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Poem: Lies I Tell Myself in the Dark

Updated: Nov 8, 2019

Video of me 'spitting' my poem @WANPoetry for the Women of The World Poetry Slam qualifier


I feel like shit.

I want to hide under a rock and never come out

Close all the blinds

Stay safe deep inside myself

Because down here, it is dark and far away

Dark and far away from all of the noise

The noise telling me that I'm a failure

That: I'm not happy enough

That: I need to hang my head up high

That: all of this will blow over

That: it doesn't really matter

That: everything is great

But how is it "just great" when I just lost my job?

When: I don't know if I'll get my last paycheck?

When: I need to pay bills?

When: I don't know how long it'll be 'till I get another job?

When: I'm switching careers and everyone else is finding the same old job but me?

Why, why, why

Do I have to make things hard?

To take the road less traveled?

And care about finding something that'll actually make me happy?

Why do I think?

Why am I smart?

Why do I get bored and need to challenge myself with something new?

Why do I like to learn?

Why am I so good?

Why does it matter?

Why do I care?

Why should I continue to care?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why did I let myself out of that dark hole?

That safe place

The secret one

I keep locked up inside

Where I can bury my head

And nestle my fears

Laying down my head

Lay down

Lying down

Lie down


Lie. Lie. Lie

It's all a pack of Lies!

Lies they tell you:

It's going to be ok

You'll be just fine

Fake it 'till you make it

Just keep putting yourself out there

Anyone would be lucky to have you

You're so talented you'll get a job right away

It's not your fault

It'll get better

It's not that bad

I can't pay my bills on your lies!

Why should I be happy about that?

TELL ME! I scream.

There is no echo

There I go again,

Letting myself out.

I need to crawl back into safety

I try to close my eyes

Realize they're already shut.

I feel my body curled on its side

My face warm and wet.

I haven't woken up yet.

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