Poem: Eternal Life


I’ve been navigating my relationship with anxiety and depression for a long time and I use art to process and manage these odd friends of mine. This particular poem was inspired by a book I’m reading called Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak and a recent conversation with a friend about self care, overwhelming emotions and suicide.



Transcript:


Do me a service

Undertake my decision

Ask me intimate questions

Bury it in your grave

Shine the light on me

Shroud my attention

Eulogize my porcelain skin

Attend to my silence

Memorialize me in your gaze

Trapped in your headlights

Keep vigil as you do me the last Honors

Even when I’m six feet under I still answer

Your invisible labor of love

It’s exactly what you need to hear

Preserved princess

Wasn’t I sweet?

Compose me

Narrate my meaning

Nouns don’t do, that’s only for verbs

Cast your attention on me

I couldn’t have scripted this

Depression spins fictions

I must have been hostage to the feelings

Just wright: Hysterical

Objectivity wouldn’t have let me commit—

I was perfect

Without being too much

Or too little

Rewrite me so I didn’t implode

Erase the virgule from my wrists

Punctuate my virtue

Be the protagonist who saves me

Edit what I must not have meant

Author this so I’ll never have to.

Savior

Savior

Savior!

Protect me from my doing

Forgive me of my sins

Shoulder authority over my own death

Pallbearer

Glory for what You do

My hymnal hero

Round and round we go

I’ll never leas

Or follow either

I keep stepping on your toes

Absolve me

Let my weight consume you

Bestow me with praise for my modesty

But strip out my trumpets

This is Your reception

I must have looked possessed

Cleanse my anxiety

If only I had believed in your salvation

Prevail over me

A testament to my anatomy

I mean, autonomy

Give me eternal life